Does not live up to potential

Apparently, obliterated one night, he recorded himself expressing his deepest and most...interesting sexual fantasies. Crying into a four track audio recorded he bared his soul, and his affinity for dirty street punk girls, or more specifically, their crusty panties, preferably worn for days and unwashed.


I watched a show a while back. After the death of his wife, this man mummified her body. For 7 years he made love to her through a vaginal tube he'd installed (or lovingly created?). He preserved her like a doll with a intricate death mask, and sprayed her with perfume to mask the smell of her corpse. He tied her bones together with piano wire. I actually felt bad that the police had taken her away from him. I mean, thats truly love.

"I don't do drugs anymore," I said, blowing the last of the pot smoke out of my lungs, "or at least, my m.o. has changed." Once I figured out that the "does not live up to potential" box checked on every report card since kindergarten was mostly accurate, and having no post-college job prospects or even the desire to work all, I switched from cocaine and pills to marijuana, mushrooms and acid. Perhaps subconciously trying to push myself closer to losing touch with reality all together. It seemed the best course of action, really, and it was interesting without being terribly ambitious.
Ambition loses meaning so quickly when your personal goals are broken down into daily necessities. Congratulations for actually taking that shower today!
At least when I was 10 I could tell you what I wanted to be when I grew up. Now I am grown up, I suppose, and the best answer I can think of is "alive" and the morning after a bender thats on the fence too.
Recently, I had been asked that question, verbatim, and the cogs in my brain ground to a stunning halt. "I.....I don't know, something....interesting".
"The correct answer is 'I don't want to grow up'"
Oh.
Well, that makes sense.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"A writer"
"When did you decide on 'big loser'?"

At 13, I wanted to be either a sniper or a political spin doctor.
I see now why I wasn't terribly popular at that age.