Milk prices and imaginary ponies

Milk Prices and the Land of Imaginary Ponies
Where Caroline and I go on a voyage of discovery to tell you why your gallon of milk costs more than your gallon of gasoline and how that relates to ponies. Clearly, no link between milk and ponies will actually be found.

Okay.
Chapter One
Milk
I don't really drink milk, which is why I was surprised when Caroline informed me that a gallon of milk costs more than a gallon of gasoline. My initial theory was that milk sales might be in decline due to the masses of incredibly stupid parents that would rather a liter of cola for their kids than a gallon of milk. Even the most anti-milk scientist who claims milk isn't as good for you as they say and whatnot, even HE or SHE would agree that drinking milk is healthier than drinking soda. Go ahead, look that up, its gotta be fucking true or or or...OH COME ON. Well, the theory kind of falls apart faster than trickle down economics (ba-dum ching!) at any rate.

So...Milk is more expensive than gas. Well, are we just going to sit here on our asses or are we going to drive milk prices down? Brian came up with the plan to have a BOYCOTT MILK day...but it looks like we're going to have to do what this country does best...invade the dairy producing states and run them efficiently, thereby securing cheap milk for the whole country! AWESOME. We call it Operation Lactic Action! CLEARLY if we're in a tizzy about gas costs and milk costs more per gallon than gas and is very widely used..we must be in a tizzy about milk costs and we MUST TAKE ACTION!

then somehow...ponies came up. and the revolution failed.

caroline: you cannot milk a pony
me: bullshit, if a baby pony can feed off a mommy pony, you must be able to milk a pony and thats pure logic
caroline: ponies do not produce milk because they are too young, you have to wait until the pony becomes a horse.
me: ponys arent baby horses silly!, they are just tiny horse like creatures that live in a magical world and sometimes they have wings, didnt you have my little ponies as a kid?
caroline: MY little ponies did not need milking because they were plastic
me: MY little ponies are just based off real magical ponies
caroline: MAGICAL PONIES DO NOT LACTATE
me :look. answer my questions. did you have a pony as a kid? did you want a pony as a kid?
caroline: I WANTED a pony but i did not GET one, you were obviously pampered
me: why did your parents NOT buy you a pony? because they are magical and dont exist duh. i never wanted a pony nor was I allowed to have my little ponies
caroline: you're so fucked up
me: my mom got me the dromedary my little pony. who the fuck wants the dromedary? i think thats the reason for all the problems in my life. every other little girl got a pretty my little pony with wings and manes and shit. mine had a fucking hump and looked like a boy
caroline: you don't believe in unicorns do you?
me: of course i do. they dig for pomegranites.
caroline: also the dromedary was a man my little pony
me: I KNOW
caroline: i thought you said you didn't and that's why you were fucked
me: i got the boy pony and STFU if you dont want to pay my therapy billz. no i was fucked up because my mom bought me the shitty boy pony. I NEVER GOT A BARBIE. I GOT THAT TOMBOY SLUT MIDGE
caroline: i had pots and pans...fu
me: i had "imagination" pots and pants....pans....hHAHAHHAHA....imagination pants
caroline: panthill
me: PANTHILL!